How Do You Make Your Home a Loving and Safe Haven?

Happy Weekend.

I hope you are enjoying yours.  I’m headed to a bridal shower and then making cookies for a special church meeting tomorrow.  The husband is sick so we’ll be laying low tonight.  Maybe a pizza and movie.

I do have a little weekend request of you.

My son Logan has been asked to be part of a panel at Brigham Young University Women’s Conference this April.  Their topic is:

Glimpses of Heaven: Making your home a loving and safe haven.

Logan would love to hear from you what your greatest concerns and challenges are in making your home a loving a safe haven.

How can a home be a refuge that prepares children to face the world each day?  How can we make out home a place where family member like to be and are built up rather than pulled down?  When teaching and correcting are needed how can a home be a place where it is done lovingly and with wisdom?

Just leave a comment or if you would rather email me privately you can do so at leighanne.wilkes@gmail.com.  We can all learn from each other!

Leigh Anne
Hi – I’m Leigh Anne! I have been a homebased mom for 30 years since my first baby boy was born! I love working with women and helping to inspire them to achieve their goals and dreams while still maintaining motherhood and family as their number one priority. I blog about everything I enjoy – creating treats and meals in my kitchen, spending time in my garden, entertaining and party planning, reading, self improvement and tips and ideas on style and fashion.
Leigh Anne
Leigh Anne

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Comments

  1. Laura says

    I think being a parent in today’s world can be really hard. As a mom to a 3 year old girl, I spend a lot of time thinking about how to make sure she grows up confident, strong, and secure in who she is AND who she is not. What I always seem to come back to is conversation. My husband and I make sure to sit down at the dinner table with her and talk about our day. We talk about media that we see (which is also heavily monitored for content), and use that as an opportunity to talk about what our family beliefs are. We make an effort to practice what we believe – making a point to spend time together doing fun activities, turning off our phones in the evening, and loving freely and openly.
    Obviously, nobody is perfect, but at 3, Georgia isn’t trying to misbehave. Usually it’s more to do with some perceived injustice on her part. I’ve found that she really responds well to giving more information about why she has to do (or not do) something – ie, she has to sit in her carseat because it’s the safest place for her in the car. Or giving a voice to the emotions that she can’t quite name yet. For example, “Wow, you look really sad right now. I know it can be hard to leave the park because it’s so fun. Let’s talk about when we can come back next time.”

    Sorry that’s a novel – hope this helps Logan!

  2. says

    Doing fun things together. I have a 7,4,2 and baby due in April. This makes fun time not all that fun sometimes. But usually, by the end, we have all had fun and the kids are bonded with us and happy. Mostly we stay home for fun stuff and play games and things. But it really seems to help. Also, we have read 5 verses from the Book of Mormon every day at breakfast for over a year now. We are more than halfway there. My 7 year old has the goal of reading the whole thing before she is baptized next year. It’s been great to explain it to them in simple terms.

  3. Valerie A. H. says

    I’ve always strived to make our home a place where the Spirit dwells. Not a home filled with anger and shouting. A place where my 2 boys
    (They are college age now) can return home from a world that can be, and is noisey, loud, harsh, phoney, etc., and find the peace within. A home that is a reminder of a higher power that loves them along with their family and to always remember and apply the basics of the gospel. It’s so easy to get sidetracked from a busy world if those basics are not applied.

    Satan is another factor that we must be aware of. We have to be so careful
    of the hooks that are meant to lead us astray. A quote from Elder Maynes is: “Our eternal happiness is not one of Satan’s objectives. He knows that an essential key to making men and women miserable like himself is to deprive them of family relationships which have eternal potential. Because Satan understands that true happiness in this life and in the eternities is found in the form of family, he does everything in his power to destroy it.”

    I try to instill in my boys the power of prayer and also the important part of being STILL at times so we can hear what our Heavenly Father wants to communicate to us. We cannot hear the whisperings of the Spirit if we are not open to it. ” Peace be still.”

    Having family prayer, scripture study and dinners together (when they were both living at home) is a must. It helps the family stay connected with each other and learn the things that are really the most important things in life. It keeps them focused.

    It’s important to me to keep things real with my kids. I tell them (nicely of course) what I honestly think and not sugar coat what I’m saying. They
    get enough fluff and sugar coating outside of the house. A home should be a place that the people that love you are telling you the truth and how things really are. They may not always like that but to me it’s an act of love that they will appreciate when they are older. It helps them to be more well rounded and better prepares them for life.

    Logan…Best wishes as you give your talk at the BYU Woman’s Conference.

  4. Kathy Clune says

    Interesting question. My husband and I were just talking about this today. There is an interesting series about raising boys on the Deseret News web site.

    I think we tried the best we could to help our kids and we’ve had 4 of our 6 become inactive in the Church, which included a lot of bad choices on their parts. We often wonder what we did wrong and what we should have done differently. But as we were talking and thinking about our friends nearly all of them have struggled to varying degrees with one or more children. And sometimes those struggles haven’t occurred until much later in their kids lives, ie. one son had an affair, divorced his temple married wife, and moved in with his girlfriend when he was in his 40s.

    My points are:

    1. You just do the very best you can. Satan is relentlessly trying to destroy our families and he strikes at every tiny opening he can find. So in trying to do the best we have to work overtime to make sure we are constantly striving.

    2. Even when children have moved out of our homes and are no longer under our watch care we have to keep making our homes a haven of peace and safety. We took a youth group on a church history tour including Independence, Mo. We took them to the Reorganized LDS Church Temple on a tour (sorry, the new name of the Church escapes me). Our Bishop was really nervous and almost cancelled the tour at the last minute. But the LDS Visitor Center’s Director counceled us that the kids would be able to tell the difference. After we saw that Temple and then went to our Visitor’s Center all our youth could talk about was the vast difference that they felt. I think our children will also feel the difference if we just keep our homes full of the Spirit.

    3. We must never give up. It gets a little tricky but there are opportunities to always share our testimonies with our children. And we have to figure out ways to gently share our correction of their behavior with them. We need to be prayerful and do our best to keep the spirit with us always in order to do that.

    4. And then the most important thing is to remember that Christ atoned for us and “it is His work and glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal lives of His children.” We just need to have faith in that atonement.

    Best wishes at the Conference. Life is tricky and hard but thankfully we have a Heavenly Father who loves us and wants us to succeed.

  5. says

    When I was raising my children, creating a safe environment and a happy home was based on consistency and routine. I believe that young children feel safer in a home where they know what to expect from their parents, that they know that they should be home for a family dinner, that Sunday was “family day” where we spent time together whether it be skiing or swimming in the pool together. My children grew up knowing that their parents would be “there for them”. I think this came about because I never really knew what to expect when I walked in the door as a child – what kind of mood my erratic mother would be in, what was expected of me as the eldest of 6 and would I be responsible for feeding the others that night.

  6. cara says

    Hi Leigh Anne, I try to make our home a safe and loving environment by focusing on the children, but also giving them some independence for alone play as well (and so that i can get my chores done). In a way, I try for us to be old-fashioned–no computer or tv in bedrooms, no gameboy, no wii, etc. On the weekends, we go to Church, the library, play outside, play games, bake and do crafts together. I try to not have them grow up too fast. The kids are 3,5, and 7. We are home from school today so we are off to the zoo to explore since we haven’t been there for 6 months. Also, eating dinner together is key. We also visit a lot with our neighbors so that there is a safe environment inside and outside the home. Thanks for sharing your blog. Have a good day.

  7. Katy says

    There is this amazing bible study for mothers called Motherwise. It is written by Denise Glenn. In the study she talks about Creating a Sabbath experience for your family. This has changed our entire week! Some of the ideas she suggests are no outside media, laying out bible materials and clothes the night before and preparing all your meals on Saturday so you don’t have to cook on Sunday (so many stay at home moms have to cook all week long and this is our”work” so we need to make sure we avoid having work also on Sunday). This previous Sunday we ate the granola I made on Saturday and had leftovers for lunch and dinner. We make sure to manage our time so no one is rushed getting ready, and we listen to praise and worship music on the way to church. We have three little girls…if there are tantrums we ask them to leave the room until they can come join the family again peacefully. Sunday night before they went to bed we put on praise and worship music and they dressed up in their princess costumes and I gave them silk scarves and they danced around doing a “praise dance” to Jesus. I don’t pick up the house and I don’t ask them to clean either. This day of relaxation and focusing on our Saviour sets the tone for the entire week. God knew we needed a day of rest and so many of us don’t truly rest. I’m so refreshed on Minday and ready to work.

    I think my children will look back on these days with fond memories and will yearn for them even when they are adults. I still take our family to my parents house on Sundays for lunch sometimes and it is one if my most favorite things to do.

    Sundays used to turn into one of the most stressful days of the week and by making a few simple changes it has now made our house a peaceful safe haven

  8. says

    Leigh Anne-

    What a great topic of discussion! I am a mom to three young children and I have found that most times, they teach me. I think for a home to be happy, we need to be selfless, thinking of others before ourselves and forgiving, just like a little child. They find the good qualities in others and don’t focus on the negative and I think this is valuable to us as parents and husband and wives. I also think a home centered on Jesus Christ is the way to be happy. If we have an eternal perspective of life, we don’t dwell so much on the here and now, rather, we see past it. It is almost like using binoculars. One side shows you the close up view, which is usually what we see when we are struggling or having a hard time, but if we turn the binoculars around, then the problems seem smaller and we can see the bigger picture.

    Another thing I have found is that if we are consistently reading scriptures and saying prayers, then when contention arises we will know, by the spirit what to say or do to dispel the situation. Also, attending the temple regularly helps to bring unity within the home. It helps your recognize weaknesses that could eventually cause problems or refocus on becoming more Christ-like. If your children see you putting gospel principles first, then they will want to follow your example as well. Plus, I echo what most other people have said in spending family time together and keeping the home a place of refuge and love..just like in D&C..the house should be a house of order, prayer, fasting…..Righteousness leads to happiness and the spirit gives us joy.

    Sorry for the long post! Wish I could hear what your son will say. Good luck to him!

    Brenda

  9. Kylie says

    Family is so important – but my Mom taught me that friends are important, too. She made a huge effort to get to know my friends, and to make our home a fun place to be so that we’d want to spend time there often. It worked, we had parties there all the time and it kept us out of trouble. I hope I’m able to do the same thing with my kids.

  10. says

    I want you to know…I’m new here, just found you via Pinterest with the leprechaun bark…browsed around and this post drew me in. I’m enjoying reading through the comments b/c this is something that has been on my heart and mind lately…

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